Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
i dont know you, but i just did a line with your business card.
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
let's get her a shirt that says "i went to key west for spring break and all i got was this illegitimate child."
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
Apparently you can coat check a keg.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Well, we won the drunk before noon contest!
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
