I'd say this is worse than that time when I realized that my favorite bath toy growing up was my Mom's douche bottle.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
ARTHUR IS ON FUCKING NETFLIX THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
went to class still drunk this morning and my professor made the class give me a round of applause and said, "see people, THIS is inspirational... if she can make it to class in this condition there is no excuse not to show up!"
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
Randomize
