Why is there a cactus in the microwave?
Don't worry about it.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
We broke the shower door. Completely off. His roommates were not happy but I sure was
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
I got to see a stripper that did magic last night. It was glorious.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
My purpose is to unleash drunk self on strangers, i believe as some terrifying icebreaker, otherwise i too would offer my driving services.
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I didn't want to fight, I just wanted to tell you to fuckoff.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
These freshmen are fun! The redhead wants to practice her blowjob skills with me and let me rate different moves!
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
