Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
So... In conclusion, do I bring my vibrator and risk not only having it getting taken out at security, but also exposing my dad to my neon green vibrator, or just leave it here?
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Everclear isn't food dammit
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
You can't go around chasing people and screaming JUST LET ME LOVE YOU. We're in a public place.
There is a dude with blue hair and a samurai sword and another dude dressed as Dead Pool. I daresay standard social conventions are not applicable in this environment.
He sent me a dick pic from a port-o-potty in Boston. If that's not love Idk what is.
Blueberry probiotics greatly increase to the masturbation experience. Try it dude. It’s all the rage
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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