My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
This might sound awkward, but can I borrow a dildo for class?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
there is puke in my bra ... again
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
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