All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
Xanax and allergy medicine look a lot alike when you spill them on the floor. Just saying that I still have allergies but I'm unsure if I still have legs
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
Europeans suck. I just gave him head and somehow i am the one paying for the coffee
When I left you, you were walking into a room with a half naked girl. When I returned 2 minutes later, you were locked out of the room naked and she was screaming obscenities from inside. How do you manage to make every girl hat you?
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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