If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
Since when does wearing a condom and going down on me make someone a gentlemen?
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
The party got busted because you two got caught having sex on the neighbors trampoline, come on man.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
I found my keys in the basement freezer. Drunk me is a sneaky little bastard.
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
He drunkenly stumbled over to me and told me my "crotch looks spectacular tonight"..... i think this could work
I just figured out the time exactly by how many shots and beers that I've had since this morning. I either have a terrible problem, or a great solution.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Randomize
