just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
Oh and you pulled your pants down outside in front of like five people, held my hand, then peed.
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
Sorry, they don't make maternity Power Ranger suits...
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
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