You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
He is currently pregaming mini golf. MINI GOLF.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
Just bought condoms with a walmart gift card. Thanks grandma.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
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