have you ever wondered what it would feel like to stick those coneheads in your vaj
omg every time its on
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Totalylr drunk. Coveredc in cryola marker. Loving it. Straight men everywhere. Don't be surprises when I'm pregbat romorrowwwww
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
