I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
He bought my favorite ceral.. I've guess I've earn the status as one of his regular fuck buddies. I feel honored and proud. His roommates girls don't get this treatment.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
When did we go from stumbling drunk into an ER at 3am to dinner double dating?
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
Randomize
