I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
I just got free tacos, you would be so proud of me.
Clarification, I got free tacos without performing any sexual favors.
The police officer that arrested me Friday night just bought me a shot
He was literally screaming at me for using the same knife to scoop the peanut butter and the jelly.
Randomize
