I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
The chick I went home with last night had a happy trail
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Even the bartender felt bad for me
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
Yes, he did use his cock to direct traffic from my 3rd story window. That's why I love him
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
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