I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
is it pathetic that I think he's cheating and it doesn't bother me because for the first time I'm the girlfriend and not the other girl?
Its 4 am and he honestly tried throwing pizza at his ceiling for decorations
You took a bar mat shot.
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
Feels weird riding an elevator with my tongue in my own mouth.
Randomize
