he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
I guess she didn't feel like it. There was hair all over it and everything
The only way im leaving this casino is in a golden chariot or an ambulance
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Definitely Got caught hugging a strangers tree last night with 5 others.
You offered me some of your "Jungle Juice." It was just 151 and Absinthe. I don't know how you are still alive.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
My walk of shame was 2 miles of feathers flying off of me, underwear in hand, and a homeless man telling me he'd pray for me. It was gold medal worthy.
Nothing kills the mood quicker than kneeing him in the face during sex
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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