Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
If you're going to watch porn, can you atleast be considerate and watch it on my old laptop and not the new one?
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
this probably sounds so sketchy, but hes going to jail in a month so he needs a place to crash for now. Hes sick though, and hes paying half our rent
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Update: they told me I was twerking to twenty one pilots
Love waking up to a new contact named “Pizza” btw
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