well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
I feel choking has become trendy-- ita losing its effect. I may just have to go back to missionary to spice it up
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
Do you remember telling our cab driver you were going to fuck a penguin?
I got high and had sex with reindeer antlers on. It was magical and animalistic. Tia the season.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
Randomize
