So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
i'm considering texting him with "i'm leaving the country for a year, wanna fuck?"
do it. it's every man's dream.
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
So I pull up to an apartment complex and immediately felt like I was here to get stoned.
The more I piece together last night the more I want to vomit it out of my brain.
Just sitting at dinner with my dad...simultaneously texting "daddy" to confirm saturday's spanking and telling another guy to get condoms before Im done with dinner. Don't know when I got so ate up but I'm loving it. You?
Regretting asking you what you were doing.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
You drunkenly told one of the campus security guards that you liked his headset. In return he introduced himself, lit your cig, and told us that if anyone was giving us shit to call and ask for him... Best campus security ever.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
I need to take my iPad to the Apple store (when this is all over). Do I need to delete all my dick pics/videos or are they used to stumbling across that sort of thing?
Randomize
