I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
My mom asked me to donate my child hood stuffed animals to the poor then I realized I was hiding liquor behind them. I told her I was too attached to them. She understood. Wrong in so many ways.
she laid there and continued moaning loudly for like 10 minutes after we were done, just so that her mom would be jealous
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
What part of I'm done do you not understand? Im not going to send you sex photos to prove I've moved on..
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
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