I could have mohawked her pubes.
If it has a penis then it will be stupid. Just how it works.
but instead of smelling like hand cream and homemade cookies, she smells like a yeast infection.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
A-plus on my thesis. I deserve the blowjob to end all blowjobs. And I wanna wear a crown while you do it.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Can I just say I love that you have a kegorator on your wedding registry?
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
We met a guy named Raymond. You called him ramen all might and told him you would eat him up, "like sex, on a budget."
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
He passed out with his shoes on 20 minutes till midnight, and I didn't have a sharpie so I took the cheese whiz and filled his exposed ass crack.
Randomize
