am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
She put baby oil on her toes and i am not legally allowed to talk about what happened
i just ran into my boss at the liquor store. we didnt exchange words, just nodded in mutual understanding.
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
I bet. I bought a surfboard and a kite and filled my camelback with vodka-tonics. Let's do this
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
I mean, I've had her boob in my mouth, but is that romance?
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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