no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
so hungover. idk whos house or comp im on
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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