Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I like how washing the beer bong is now a regular part of washing the dishes.
You'd think me telling him that I'm a lesbian would make him realize that I don't want to hook up with him.
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I'm at the hospital waiting for my sister to push out her kid. I think I'll roam the halls and shame all the teenage mothers.
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize