So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
You know the guy who poops at a party and then leaves and you go in, do your business, and come out and there are girls outside that think you pooped and no one talks to you? I'm the guy who poops before you go in, because I'm in a relationship and I hate you.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
