Even the bartender felt bad for me
Your noise violation report contains the word "five-some"...wtf happened in here?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
I fucked the midget version of a backstreet boy and I am not mad about it
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
Randomize
