I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
we ended up doing shots out of those medicine cups..swine flu finally did something good for me
we've started having sober sex
you really do like him
I won't be sarcastic... just naked
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Is there any way to un-invite somebody to a wedding? I just checked out the other family, and I can't have a cockblock there.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
I was actually high enough at that point that I was just casually following your glowing footsteps like in Avatar while we ran from the cops.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
He brought me Plan B in the snowstorm.
A+ 👏🏼
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
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