how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Drunk, high, and in a taco costume. Wish you were here.
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
You can do it. What doesn't kill us just drives us to drink
I remember all the people and all the acts I just have to match the person with the act
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
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