Just saw a girl that looks like Michelle Obama and Im strangely aroused by her. Does that make me a democrat?
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
You wrote me a letter and I cannot make out anything you wrote except the last sentence which says "tell the wolf ill meet him at sunset and that I'm sorrry"
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
we were playing waterfall, then strip waterfall, then we were just listening to music, drinking, and slowly becoming more naked
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
At least you didn't wake up next to your professor who then proceeded to cancel class via phone while still inside of me.
lets face it, we have a liquor cabinet with a designated chocolate shelf
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