you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
idk, i just don't think periods are something you can catch in a little cup.
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
You tried to luge a beer down a flip flop.
He said he was going to "rock my world". I wonder if he too has a false sense of confidence and accomplishment stemming from a complete lack of honesty from our own female counterparts.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
Randomize