You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Topenga is going to be back on TV. Finally my fantasy of her being a milf in junior high has come full circle.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Next Halloween I want us to dress up as jockeys, get drunk, and ride a carousel all night until we throw up or declare a winner
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
"Yeah because the first thing I think of when I hear the word college is tear gas."
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I got off F O U R times, just because he wanted to hear me moan. He is my hero.
Randomize
