how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
i used baking grease as lip gloss
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
You told them that the brownies were safe, and then pointed to a passed out Ryan and said "see?"
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
