All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he thought i was passed out so he proceeded to jerk off while i lay on the floor next to him
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
Are you saying being a wizard and going to hogwarts wouldn't be life changing, believe in magic you fucking muggle
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Just went to court for a citation. Guess who my DA was? That girl I ATM'd last weekend. No ticket for me!
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
