We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
She just locked herself in the bedroom with an unopened bottle of wine and a steak knife. Unfortunately for her fingers, I stopped giving a fuck two hours ago.
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Not only does DQ have s'mores shakes, sonic has a hot dog in a pretzel bun, and Wendy's has a burger in a pretzel bun. Important things are happening.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Let the clothes fall where they may.
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