i think the cat found all the blow we lost...
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
there's a guy looking for his pants in my room, is he yours?
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
I just discovered the Reese's pieces and sourdough bread sandwich. No signs of coming down.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I danced on the street to dubstep on a boombox for an hour with a lesbian single mother.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
do you remember yelling out "insecurity makes my pussy dry!" unnecessarily loud at the bar?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
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