I had a dream last night that Anthony Bourdain gave me a vibrator.
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
he's like the highest ranking tongue wizard i know.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
Randomize
