Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
if i ever wake up in the morning and don't feel a boner in my asscrack then this relationship is over
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
Randomize