He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
She sneezed like 10 times, put her head down on the table and then laid down on their couch and fell asleep. In the middle of the dominoes game. I'll never understand why my dad continues to provide my mom wine.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Randomize
