i just shit 3 out of the 4 types of matter
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
Update: Discussing lingerie with my father. He likes sheer black things. Not into the colorful stuff I wear.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
don't worry about the neighbors I'm like 99% sure all that snow covered a good portion of our vomit
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
Randomize
