So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
Ya! She had a north face on tho so she was a classy hooker.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
I am on my way right now and I SWEAR TO GOD IF YOU EAT MY BURRITO YOU WILL NEVER SEE MY TITS AGAIN
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
It's a herpes check up not a beauty pageant
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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