I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I see you felt the need to carve your name in my kitchen table. thanks
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
hotdog in my bra and i still managed to score. Got a bit freaked when he tried to eat it though. I paid 3 bucks for that fucking hotdog.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
ever since I turned 21 the mother-daughter bonding sessions always end with whiskey and my little pony. I don't know why, it's just a thing that happens
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
I did put on a shirt to start the night, right?
Randomize
