He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
Dude it started out with let's find some food and ended up with me getting a needle in the face
Pretty sure I was rubbing Halloween candy all over my face and saying "these are my bitches."
You are right. The scrape marks on her ass are from her breaking the doggy door by crawling through it.
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
Bring the pizza ill bring the boundaries we can cross
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
My dick has a subreddit
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
