If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
no. i discovered the *exact* amount of drugs i need to do to understand calculus.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I am having telepathic thoughts with my cat. He loves me and wants me to blow his nose
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
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