I love him. He's like the father I never had that I kind of want to fuck.
The guy in the American Flag bikini was telling the women he was disgusted at the amount of alcohol they weren't drinking. Then it got ridiculous.
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
These past few weeks have been a lesson on why you don't put your penis inside girls who live in your building.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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