Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
His penis has a special gift of curing my broken heart
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
ever have one of those nights where you feel like you should leave the house with your insurance card? that is tonight, my friend.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
happy find a boyfriend by next Valentines Day. Its like a new years resolution but depressing
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
Just had hot animal sex with the guy who had been sending me 10 second selfie snapchats for the past month
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
The language barrier was annoying .... So we just had sex. That is how you deal with not being able to chat isn't it???
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
