He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
They high fived over us while we gave them synchronized blowjobs. In the same bed. Under the same blanket.
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Who suggested the eggnog wet t-shirt contest last night like whose idea was that
Speaking
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
Randomize
