oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
Bookstore boy and I went out, he came back here and I tried to fool around and he respects me too much blah blah I'm a predator.
She was giving you that "I really want to blow you but I have to act professional" look. Guaranteed
He literally had a note from his doctor saying he wasn't allowed to finger me for a week
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
I have been drinking since 2. And I'm now chasing the cat around the house with a light saber. Anna's helping.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
Randomize
