Our friend ended up naked, bleeding, requesting we throw a couch at him cause he was convinced he could block it
We did he did.
When I say naked, I mean penis exposed. Not in boxers
My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Hu mahhiw im so tired.i just got done. In fo dleepu. Aaaaaaahh. I qisj my mom filmed me. In axtunf so funny
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
