Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I said i love rain, just to change the subject, and he said 'id like to do it in the rain'. Dear lord. He doesnt stop
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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