I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
my grandma just told me that size does matter, and don't let anyone tell you anything different.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
I don't care. He smelled like a fucking chilli cookoff
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
The EMT told me when I left the ER "I'd like to take off your pants again and inspect your package. Just not during a medical emergency..." We're hooking up tonight.
Points for getting a hot hook up after getting a shard of glass in your thigh. Almost makes it worth it.
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
And no one can masturbate with the sound of Bernie's voice in the background
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Don't care if they even pay me; I lifeguard for the fringe benefits -- free tourist vagina in the Hilton jacuzzi every single night
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