I think my grandma died before she was convinced I was straight
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
There are sesame seeds in my vagina. This cannot be explained with logic.
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
I was weirded out when the chunky goth girl and her boyfriend both started eyeing me and wanted to by me a drink.
It also means I'm watching porn with mario earphones so i can hear. Possibly the best way to mastrabate EVER
I just remember banging him and then at some point I went and took a shower and went and laid in the closet
Don't do him, he's a Dolphins fan! A FUCKING DOLPHINS FAN!
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
Randomize
