I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Redeem this text for a blowjob
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
being alone eating nachos and drinking from a giant munchen beermug really isnt that sad
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
"So you think you can dance" turned into "so you think you can run and slide across the bar"...Jack Daniels wins
A guy just picked up ur brother and carfied him away singing and im slight concern
my nose is crying tears of wow.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
I need a hobby that isn't dick related
Funny story... I got into my car and my porn started playing over my Bluetooth.
i saved a drunk oompa loompa he was passed out on the lawn and i picked him up figured out where he lived and put him in his bed and wrote his roommate a note
Randomize
