If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
DAMMIT. BOHEMIAN RHAPSODY IS GONNA GET STUCK IN MY HEAD AGAIN. FUCK YOU OLYMPICS.
I don't remember because I was drunk out of my mind, but I have it on good authority that weed cinnamon buns at 3 in the morning with chocolate milk are better than sex.
It's all fun and games until some random starts jerking it on the deck.
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
He said he broke his back in 3 spots & my first thought was "there goes my booty call".
Did u have a 2nd thought
I need a new booty call.
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