I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Omg. Budweiser tramp-stamp sighting @ Wal-mart. Best tattoo EVAR.
hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
not only did i manage to get kicked out of the bar, i also got kicked out of denny's. i didnt even know that was possible.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
I wonder if i could put a dildo on my bike seat to encourage me to exercise.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Now: to brush my teeth, put on my grandma slippers and earplugs, masturbate to 50 Shades and then PTFO
Jello shots? I thought you weren't drinking tonight.
Im not drinking im slurping
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
Randomize
