Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
I won't apologize to a one balled man
You rope them in with the looks and the boobs, and I'll bore them into submission with random trivia. We can't lose.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
The hat, the beard, the hard posing - like who does he think he is?
A bag of dicks
That's dating life
This toilet bowl is my home.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Guess who won a basket of sex toys in front of his parents, aunts, uncles, sister, and cousin...
Randomize
