all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
Sometimes when i'm at a cross roads in life, i think about what i would want my lifetime movie to show what i did
Like reprimanding the wall for "sneaking up on me" drunk
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
No my first time having an orgasm with you will not be on face time
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
I'm experimenting with sincerity
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize
