So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She said " I'm going to get her back one day soon for putting extacy in my pop while I drove her to whislter" just a heads up.
CALL 911 HAND IS STUCK IN THE GARBAGE DISPOSAL. HELP
Do we still have any pizza left from last night?
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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