The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
I just ate 6 cheeseburgers with some homeless guy. Pretty epic.
I feel like the fact that I slept with someone who dresses up like Batman a few times will never be lived down.
Dont even get me started. you fell asleep in my kitchen after being cockblocked when you tried to use my roommates bedroom.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
I'm in the recliner and i have a bottle of wine wedged in my cleavage, drinking from a straw. Clever and classy or pathetic and sloppy?
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
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