Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
you know you're sexually deprived when you're holding a warm taquito in your hand and your vagina starts to tingle
I put him in the supply closet, used the copy paper to build a fort around him and his wheelchair, then he fucked me in the fort.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
