You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Pretty sure I just had sex with the black kid who grew up in a car from "angels in the outfield"
How come I never meet celebrities?
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
Elliott peed on my floor and slept in it lol that's a one line description.
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Randomize
