Everytime we come here you have an ex here.
She said she didn't have time to shave "there"
Then she shouldn't have had time to order the lobster.
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
Oh just chilling alone with a stranger baby while everyone else clambakes the bathroom. Probation is the reason there is bad things in the world.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
Wanna shave the hair on my back? If you're offended I was joking, if not I'll bring booze and maybe you can do other regions too.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
Is it ok that I asked him half way through sex why he hadn't accepted my friend request yet?
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
Randomize
