dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
I told her the white crusty stuff on my boxers was frosting not cum. She seemed MORE grossed out then
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
Hahahaha don't tempt me. Remember we're trying to avoid airport jail if possible
Is it too early to get staydrunk at 1pm on Friday for Monday's St Patty's day
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
GO RIDE HIS EYEBROWS INTO THE SUNSET
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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