I hope my future cuntsucker is that tight
You hook up with other guys, let him talk to other girls.
no
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I woke up on the stairs at of a Disneyland hotel. Yes, my night was amazing.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
So much rum. So many feels.
Why were you not born a dude?
Because god wanted to level the playing field
Come get your sister, she's waving a shoe about and threatened to "teabag the Shit" out of the doorman because she can't check the shoe in.
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
I thought since you asked to see my dick I might as well say hi
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
Randomize
