if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
I just found out that AAA will pick you up if you're drunk for free if you're a member. How did I not know about this?
Whoever said that a man can only cum up to 8 times a day is a fucking liar...or was never on adderall
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
I don't fucking care about the convenience of not having freudian slips. I spent 2009-2011 screwing around with 3 different Daniels. 2012 WILL be the dawn of a new day
How about a mike?
Already had two of those
it's just one of those nights where i don't care if anyone sees my vagina
You were running around drunk in a Toga chasing the frat's Husky. Of course they remember you.
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
We stole a Christmas tree from the student center and then decorated it with everything we stole from parties... All I have to say is Feliz Navidad!
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
