We sat in your minivan all night in a parking lot pretending we were in the magic school bus going to the sun
I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
somehow I got talked into dressing up like a hot dog, spinning around ten times, and shooting lay ups in front of thousands of students
he was already passed out before we got there, so i already knew i was going to like him
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Promise me you will not let me do anything sexual with or to a mini horse no matter how drunk we get. Ever.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
like, there were so many other better not terrible choices you could have made, so i'm honestly baffled that you managed to fuck up that bad
Randomize
