Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
Theres an amvulance here. It might be for me
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
