Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
All I'm asking for is flower occasionally, and in return you get to come home to me naked in heels. Is that to much to ask for?
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Being the only woman in a triathlon group - it's a penis paradise.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
If I don't have hickies that last till tuesday, I didn't do this weekend right
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
Randomize