Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I woke up with the new contact "Britney Both Nipples Pierced"... how do you think the night went?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
it went well until I said "me" instead of "my" and he kept sexting me in character as a pirate
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
Drunk me bought a cell phone last week and began texting sober me. The conversation between the two is still on going.
Randomize
