Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
Its funny that for once I get home and I'm just as high as my parents are.
The sun is out, the birds are chirping, I made some brownies, I'm not pregnant
This is literally what my 13-year old cousin said to me this morning.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
You woke up in between the boxspring and the matress in a random dorm room.
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
It seems I've entered my 21st birthday the same way I entered this world: naked, crying and smothered in someone else's bodily fluids...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
