I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
sex in a ball pit. and I thought ghandi did great things.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
No, I found out he was gay when I walked in on him blowing the guy from the dorm room next to ours.
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Randomize
