I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
I just took boredom to a whole new level. I just auto-tuned and remixed today's western civ lecture
FYI...Jose likes Shamrock shakes better than Jack
I remember seeing his penis I just dont know exactly what I did with it
I played ping pong,drunk, with my hand instead of the paddle. And i won. I have hidden talents
Don't blame me. I told you I didn't know if I had a key to those hancuffs.
"I'm not drinking any more tonight." As I dipped my quesadilla in a shot of tequila....then eats it
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
He gave me an extra phone charger for the other side of the bed the other night. Is that love?
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
Randomize
