Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
we're drinking boxed wine and eating string cheese. It's like a wine tasting for poor people.
You just kept yelling "SATAN!" at me every time I walked by
i upgraded from drunk texts to drunk e-mails...real world here i come
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
I hate him. I fucked every one of his friends AND his fat brother and he still won't break up with me.
Ps I'm glad our relationship hasn't progressed into having to get married so we legally can't testify against each other
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
I didn't want sex last night, but she charmed my dick out of my pants like a snake charmer.
So pro tip. do not order drugs from india and then assume you know your tolerance level.
He said "I can't believe I had sex with a cat lady". Am I flattered or is this a new low?
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